blink of an eye

i got older. suddenly realized that.
i'm getting older by the second. nano second. whatever. as time passes.
weird. time is such a weird thing. Wonder how it was before time began.

1 Corinthians 2:7
"No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began."

Proverbs 19:21

Oh my.
today, in my psych seminar discussion, I defined freewill..

Skinnerian view said that freewill is just an illusion.
so i asked how Skinner defined freewill and then Prof just said something different
(didn't define it for me)
so i told him what freewill is (either to get far from God or to get close to God)
(sin or not sin ? but i didn't want to use that term..)
and then Prof said "So, you mean Skinner had the freewill to reject freewill?"
so i said yes. and he said "Well, if that works for you.."
and then i said "it should work for everyone."
but then i dunno... freewill defined okay?
hope so.

“Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. ”
- Proverbs 19:21

Wonder why..

sometimes i try to think like an atheist. I should be able to understand it because i was one. But then it so doesn't work. It is frustrating. Do you ever just go to a mall and then sit and just watch people and think...



Why do things EXIST?



why do people BREATHE and Walk?



What does the word 'existing' mean?



Why is there a universe and what is it?



How come there IS?



Is it really like the last 5 seconds of MIB movie?

Today, I was reading my readings for my seminar course. Skinner after Freud: really, readical, how did they come up with this? But it misses the point. Actually, it doesn't miss it. It aims on something else. And hits it. Lucid. Impressive. Makes me cry. Feel very stupid and weak (because i am). Thinking that I'll do something about this throws me limp on the ground, hopeless. But because HE will do it and I realize there is nothing to worry about. Thanks Esther, for the verse.

"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the LORD require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?"

Micha 6:8